1. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin
2. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. – Steven Wright
3. I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book. – Groucho Marx
4. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. – Mark Twain
5. If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else. – Yogi Berra
6. There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
7. It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous. – Robert Benchley
8. Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent. – Langston Coleman
9. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. – Kyle Chandler
10. Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. – Charles Schulz
11. It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question. – Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes
12. Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats. – Voltaire
13. When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’ – Sydney Harris
14. The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time. – Joe Girard
15. The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office. – Robert Frost
16. We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. – George Bernard Shaw
17. The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. – Mark Twain
18. Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese. – Billie Burke
19. The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for. – Maureen Dowd
20. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
21. The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm. – Malcolm Forbes
22. I cannot afford to waste my time making money. – Louis Agassiz
23. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. – Robert Bloch
24. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. – Betty Reese
25. The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits. – Albert Einstein
26. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. – Oscar Wilde
27. When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration. – Robert Bresson
28. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. – Dave Barry
29. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. – A.A. Milne
30. I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. – Benjamin Franklin
31. Too much of a good thing can be wonderful. – Mae West
32. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. – Thomas Edison
33. You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. – Jack London
34. You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go. – Dr. Seuss
35. A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
36. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. – Mark Twain
37. Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. – Tom Lehrer
38. Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. – Isaac Asimov
39. Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. – Truman Capote
40. People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing; that’s why we recommend it daily. – Zig Ziglar
41. If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now. – Marie Osmond
42. I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches. – Alice Roosevelt Longworth
43. Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes. – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
44. You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself. – Sam Levenson
45. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. – Franklin P. Jones
46. You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. – Woody Allen
47. The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.
48. Dear life, when I said: ‘Can my day get any worse?’ It was rhetorical, not a challenge.
49. Cleaning up is just putting stuff in less obvious places.
50. It amazes me how much exercise and extra fires sound alike.
51. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. — Elbert Hubbard
52. You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice. — Sam Levenson
53. It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
54. I have to be successful because I like expensive things. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
55. Be happy, it drives people crazy. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
56. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
57. Kill them with success and bury them with a smile. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
58. Aspire to inspire before we expire. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
59. Some people are like clouds, when they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
60. When life puts you in a tough situation, don’t say ‘Why me?’, say ‘Try me’.
61. Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticized anyway.
62. The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time. — Joe Girard
63. Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
64. Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat. — Harry Emerson Fosdick
65. When life brings big winds of change that almost blow you over, close your eyes, hang on tight, and believe. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang